Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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