Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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