If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
