Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
