you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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