your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
