By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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