question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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