Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
