whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
