wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I love having hate sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
