you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
