I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
