this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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