The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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