I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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