My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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