shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
