My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
