It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
