see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
