my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
where am i from again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
