he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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