Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
