you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
