Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
