The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
