Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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