so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
