The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The uberlube is also flammable
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
