I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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