I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
