whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
