You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
