you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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