lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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