I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
