Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ttyl tear gas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
