Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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