the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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