While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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