I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
please come you make the beer taste better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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