I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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