she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
