You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
