You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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