When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
