He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
