Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
