I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
