I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
