My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
