meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Screwed.edu
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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