There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
