Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
