Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
