You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
