ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
