she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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