Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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