Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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