I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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We were destined to go to rehab together
She's not a foreskin expert like you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize