dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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