I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
