so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
