Your mouth is God's brothel.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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