I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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