Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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