if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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