Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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