yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
