Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
