Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
