Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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