I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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