he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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