my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
